69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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