So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
