He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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