I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
