Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
