Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
