mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
