I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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