Say something about gay babies.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
