Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize