Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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