the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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