they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
