I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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