Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
