you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
being pregnant is like rehab
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
