we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
