hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
