I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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