Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
