i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
