; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
