Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
two words...techno handjob
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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