Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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