she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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