hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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