conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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