Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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