Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
