sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
