i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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