I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
