I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
