I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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