brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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