Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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