David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
