I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
