I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
