you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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