well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
