I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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