i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I AM VODKA MAN
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
