I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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