Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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