I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
