if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
