I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
