More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
