ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
