Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
