Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
