batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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