I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
