please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize