Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
