1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
