And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
