There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
