You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
