I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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