The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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