she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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