Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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