She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
