You smell like stripper and shame
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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