and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
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