I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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