you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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