I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
