I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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