I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
