So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
