Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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