Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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