someone threw a dead crab at me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
