Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
