One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
