hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
