sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
