I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this beer tastes like vomit already
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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